Quick Mini-Review of Ninja Gaiden II

Ninja dogs with swords in their mouths? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.

Resident Evil 5 Demo

First impressions.

What I love:
-The new controls. For all the shit they’ve been taking for being too “action”-y or whatever, they feel totally natural. It feels really, really good to finally (FINALLY) be able to strafe. It feels like the next natural step in the control makeover that RE4 got that really separated it from previous entries in the series.
-IT’S STILL FREAKING SCARY, OKAY? I don’t care about the fifteen million articles I’ve read that RE isn’t survival horror anymore, I don’t care that now they’re in the desert or that the controls got the aforementioned makeover. It’s not a mindless shooter because they still invoke that sense of frenzy and panic that you feel when you see that guy with the giant axe, unload a couple of shotgun rounds STRAIGHT INTO HIS FACE and realize that you’re not winning, you’re not going to win, and it’s just time to RUN. Same thing goes for chainsaw guy in Shantytown. After he survived TWO red barrel explosions and about FIVE FREAKING HEADSHOTS FROM MY GODDAMN RIFLE AT CLOSE RANGE while I’m running around the map trying to find a key so I can open a door and escape, my heart started beating a little faster, yeah. (BTW HE STILL CHAINSAWED MY HEAD OFF. TWICE.)
-They maintained all of the fun investigating, knifing open barrels and crates to find items and documents, etc. It still feels like an adventure and I want to explore the entire map just for fun.
-Sheva. I don’t know why all of the articles I’ve read so far say that she feels like dead weight, because she doesn’t. And she CAN’T use up all of your ammo or herbs unless you let her, at ANY POINT you can open up her inventory and “request” (read: steal) anything and everything she has. SO QUIT BITCHING AND STRATEGIZE, DUDES. Anyway, she feels more like Louis from that abandoned farmhouse scene in RE4 than like Ashley, so that’s good enough for me. Plus, I like the team jumping, it’s fun, and I can’t wait to have the chance to play co-op with another person so I can hop over and do Sheva’s parts. In any case, I welcome Sheva to the series, and am eager to see what they do with her in the full version of the game.

Things I miss:
-Leon S. Kennedy. Primarily because I want to marry him. Moving on.
-The dark. I get that they’re trying to convey the whole “It can be scary during the day too!” thing, and the levels I’ve played so far do feel a lot like the village scene at the beginning of RE4, which is fine, but I REALLY, REALLY hope they incorporate some nighttime scenes into the full version of the game, because it’s just not the same without it. THEY HAVE NIGHTTIME IN AFRICA, TOO, CAPCOM. COME ON.
-I WANT MY GODDAMN ATTACHE CASE BACK. Being able to take a quick breather, look through your case, and select the appropriate weapon without feeling rushed was something I appreciated greatly from RE4. Yeah, selecting weapons and items in real time does admittedly add to the tension and frenzy of the game, but I miss my little attache case breaks. Plus, there aren’t many slots on that inventory mini-screen box. Does this mean the end of treasure hunting and bizarre health items (like bass and chicken eggs)? I hope not.

A foreword to anyone who might venture into this blog:

I am not quite sure why the idea struck me to start a blog about video games. It’s possible that the seed may have been planted yesterday, while I was flipping through an unnamed gaming magazine, reading some ridiculous, over-written article or another and it occurred to me, “Wow, this guy sounds like a total d-bag.” And then I thought about various other written media pertaining to video games and realized that the douche-iness was a prevalent factor in the vast majority of it. Much of it is thinly veiled advertising, or some “interest piece” that has absolutely no relevance to almost anyone reading it, or reviews filled with biases of epic proportions (which are totally fine until they start parading themselves around as being objective. Please. Case in point: who the fuck was giving all of those 10/10s to GTA4 earlier this year? I’m sure that was all about objectivity, right? Yeah.) The common link in all of it is the smug, almost sneery undertone, in which the writer presumes himself to be hipper, better informed, and all around cooler than the reader.

Suffice to say, I am not cooler than you, reader. My opinion is no better than yours. I don’t have early access to unreleased copies of upcoming titles. I’m not a reliable source for up-to-date gaming news. What I do have, however, is a passion for gaming and an understanding of the fact that gaming is a personal experience for everyone. I’m going to post reviews of the almost stupidly large number of titles I plow through on a regular basis, but they will be admittedly littered with bias, and I invite you to tell me what an asshole I am about the whole thing (if/when applicable).

Anyway, now you’ve been briefed. Congratulations.